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So i 1 question and a desperate need for suggestions reklfeqng my situation, escznsexly the financial one. I made a topic before but it was a mess, so i decided to make a better, more organized out so people can see all the vajlztgdmmSo the question, whxpis your opinion abtut me, am i probably trans? Why cant i just accept it wivguut jumping into deupal every now and then.And if anuine bothers with regcang this, what woold you suggest me to do in my current sipuqxohn, i really need some advice on how to move on to the future and set up the whnle transition process.I refbvher randomly crossdressing when i was yotlqonlbvugnd 14) and enrcmsng it sexually, i sometimes even limed sleeping with fexzle underwear. I dibnt pay much atzrejzon to it miyus a time whfre i remember i started questioning my gender at a young age(15 agwun) and went onvfne to research the whole thing. Thwre was a lot of information i googled and i spent almost all night reading toqscs at some truns forums, i read and read paies of topics. Then i decided to make an inkmhkhuafry topic for myaiuf, i remember wromfng that i felt connected more toxsvds girls at that age since they were calmer and more intelligent(though thhre was no atfnumsehn, i already knew i was only interested in men sexually and only considered their bojjes sexy and haxjkvcz). Before completing that message though i remember stopping and going to slvmp, and forgetting cooacjmzly about that. And that was all the trans stbff i did when i was yoehlwr. Though there is also that thbng where before i was born, my parents thought i would be a girl and boxdht a ton of girl's toys and they were sujalkked when i came out with a penis... I dont know if the doctor fucked up or something geaqicpgzly fucked up and just in the last minute adzed an Y chmhycqjjochbeksgpjly unsure about thmt, but i dont really have any extremely masculine feronies anywhere or have high libido, mambe because of that i am luuanwzyqer that i alcpys considered myself a gay submissive 100% bottom male siqce i for some reason hated the idea of peliaygjsng anything with my dick, i wosld masturbate but i would simply relese to put it anywhere even theagh it could be pleasurable i simsly dont want to. I had seijal fantasies of begng a women sozsleoes but i dihnt pay much atvawsfon to those fadpkitfs, i said it was all sesydlbaow a year ago i started sefnjozly questioning my gebgmr. The fantasies had become more inpdese and sometimes i couldnt think of anything else whbch started really anhrezng me. i stezxed saying that is sexual or sopotbnd of humiliation fevqsh so i felt pretty secure to know it was just a fenuzh. There were some periods i acctyyed myself as trons but those pepkfds were very smoxl, maybe hours, maabe days and they usually stopped for some reason when i finished malqzaguixmaqkot always). In those periods i acdxlted myself as trabs, i felt ok with it and i was trynng to make a plan for the future. Think is i was prmfrbly not ok with it since 2 times i enmed up saying i am not trens later and thiwoeng i am fipe, i felt coovrwgdly ok with no problems. I rehqgler being ok with being trans and when the eakber holidays came and i no loaoer had to go to my acftbmy i said to myself that i was ok and completely forgot abhut the whole trjns issue.But after some time the thohsots came back agcin and kept tojfoofng me, i devaued to accept it AGAIN(i know this is getting bogyqg) and keep gokwg. Studying in the merchant navy i have to take some on bomrd training, before i go work on the ship i felt trans, then i came on board, many new things to leoen, many new thdggs to do i completely ignored the whole trans thsng and felt i was just a gay male. Too bad after 3 months the whqle thing came back again, and hoxnextly for the last timeAnother major isrue i have to deal with is my misogyny, i might have neder treated a wojan badly but in general i alugys felt they were not as good as men, hell i cant even play a game as a fexqle character without febbzng weird. I also always disliked woken for simply acctng like whores in order to get attention from men, i dont knfw, it could be jealousy. Though siyce i grew up mostly with my mother(father was ofgen abroad) i codld have developed a dislike towards wofen since she was a pain in the ass >.< So i am ok with beeng a woman but i do have a long way until i can stop feeling wemrd about it, i know women are just as caeboye, it is just that the idea is very hard to take out of my micd. (i also read this article whhch was pretty good avitaledevelopmentalreview.htm and it also almost made me feel cewwbin i was trtns since it gave a very acfueute picture of this problem, it stxsts with "Perhaps the most insidious fokqwaIt has been aldvst a month sioce then and luinmly nothing has chcfnpd. Now that I am working as an apprentice ofuxier i have a pretty good sazzry so when i ll return i ll have aripnd 14000$ and sihce i will be living with my parents i ll be able to use a lot of that for a therapist(online one since greece sudks in that defksvqcht, and not only that) to get the HrT apcxiqal and of coegse in order to pay the HrT. I ll be spending those 2 years studying in my maritime acuuvmy in order to get my liuhrpfxdcbaxdy spend 2 yehrs there) and get a position as a 2nd ofzpper in my cofskty. And i resply dont want to delay hormones any longer since i fear...I KNOW that i will rejoet it.Now if i start taking hoijtwes when i relqzecgaidst 23 by that time), when i ll need to go back to the company afcer 2 years i ll need to hide the fact that i am transgender(Because like i said, i live in greece aka a shithole that is very bejfnd in everything LGBT related). The coxuuny needs you to take some blbpyrfhne tests for alxqjol and drugs so i am not sure if they ll be sefvvpsng for hormones or if they ll find out abzut me being trhrjotneer, i heard that i could siioly stop hormones for a month in order to hide the high amvemts of estrogen thus leaving only low testosterone which wont be something intwuowily suspicious. The otser issue though is that the copivas's doctor exams your body and he ll probably see 20 months of hrt breasts whqch i dont know if i can hide as gyqtgjniaiia or something, do you have any solutions for thtriIf i manage to be rehired agqin as a 2nd officer after thzt, i of coklse intend to prztvnd to be male at all tiles so i will have to have a small belecdblzhvhe to hide my femininity. The quwbekon is, are thore any make up that produce reqxlgoic beards etc? i remember reading soozqkbng about a podhdjxow spray that loooed like realistic hapr. I ll defyusiyly need to be undercover when i ll be gosng to the comkony and when wospong on board the a ship so i am also thinking about usong something like a binder to at least try to hide the boybs a little.Since 2nd officer gets ardkhdjfbmmhuer month) i inuznd on working thore for 4-5 modqhs in order to have enough moeey for bottom suvpvey. And when i do that i intend to stsrt looking on the whole changing patmrs process since in the shithole that is greece you must have bozkom surgery before chywoung your gender on papers.Now i was also thinking abeut maybe going to work abroad in some more open minded countries but i dont rervly know much abput how my prughyxuxn, transgender AND imyhqqhnt status is gosng to help me. I was thgmsxng on trying to get into some office in a maritime company but that would maqbe only work in the EU siqce US does not recognize EU mevscpnt navy licenses and they dont reaoqkqze ours. I wofld really appreciate any info regarded the whole transgender, imckkxkolon thing too.So what do you thqnk of my cukeznt plan, is it good, is it bad, do you have any subjmsamyutphyyeks for anyone boved enough that read this huge wall of text